Rewind
by Ruthyroo
Summary: With Cheryl and Ste both ignoring him, Brendan hits a new low.


**Rewind :)**

"Steven….steven….please….hey come on! How's my sister?"

"How do you think?"

"Look im taking care of it I promise okay. I'm out there watching all the time nobody's gonna go near her"

"What is that?"

"This was on her doorstep this morning. Cheryl's terrified…im terrified"

"She needs to come home to me"

"To you… right then what? Because people only seem to get hurt when their around you Brendan….sort it out"

"Steven"

"Doug's waiting for me"

I thought he knew me, I thought he would understand, but he doesn't. He judges me like everyone else now and no matter what happens or how sorry I am, he'll never forgive me for what I did to him, I have lost everything. I thought that things were getting better between us, he comforted me after Lynsey, he was worried about me but now it's like im nothing to him all over again. I know I hurt him, but he's hurt me more. He is so cold towards me, he really has moved on, at least now I know that there will never be any going back for us, he is completely over me. Even Chez hates me, she blames me for Lynsey and maybe I am a little to blame but I loved her like a sister and everyone forgets that im grieving too, I may seem strong on the outside but inside it's a different story.

Everyone would be so much better off without me; just think how happy Steven would be if I no longer tried to come between him and lover boy; if I no longer turned up at the flat unannounced; if he no longer saw his obsessive, abusive, controlling, fuck up of an ex. I can almost see him smiling at the thought of never seeing me again.

Chez could finally live her life without having to worry about me and what trouble I bring. She has already told me I don't get to worry about her anymore, I've fucked up and there is nothing I can do to change it. It should have been me not Lynsey, if I could take her place I would, don't they know that.

Even my kids don't want to know me, I might have pushed Declan away but it was for his own good. I push everyone away, that is what im best at, but I never wanted them to hate me, but they do, they all do. What have I become? I feel lost and maybe for the first time in my life I am completely alone, I have no one there for me.

I make my way back to the club, the empty club, which is all I have now. I want to put things right but I don't know how, I don't even know where to start. I opened the office door, I have no idea what it was but I felt like a shock go through my hand and up my arm. I walked in to the office and I kinda felt like I was outside of my body, I felt sick, anxious and really dizzy. I made my way over to my chair and sat down; it felt like the room was spinning.

I thought that maybe it had something to do with the suicidal thoughts I was having. I'd never thought of suicide before, im Brendan Brady, im strong not weak but I kept thinking, if I was dead my loved ones would be safe. Whatever was happening it felt very strange. I waited for the room to stop spinning before I got up again; I needed a drink so I opened the office door and was shocked at what I saw.

Steven was working behind the bar, he looked younger, his hair was how it used to be, how I liked it. He looked so happy, he was smiling at me. I can't remember the last time he smiled at me. I hadn't even noticed that the club was full of people; the sight of him back behind the bar was overwhelming, mesmerizing.

I re-enter the office, freaking out. I look around and notice everything in there is different; there was a newspaper on the desk, I picked it up and read the date: 19th October 2010. I remember that day, I must be dreaming. I look on the staff rota and the only names I saw were Steven's Jacqui's and Rhys's. I pinch myself; slap myself, yet im still here, living this day for the second time. I leave the office and slowly make my way over to Steven.

"Is that you done for the day then?"

I have to think but I remember how this goes, it was a plan all along and he always fell for it.

"Im gonna do my mates in when I see them next"

"I thought you were seeing them all tonight"

"They let me down at the last minute didn't they?"

"Right sorry"

He's even saying sorry, he really couldn't see how much I wanted him back then could he. I had to make out that I was gutted if my plan was to work.

"There goes a perfect night on the pull"

"Yeah but surely you've got other mates. I could go with ya…but im working"

"Are ye trying to suggest someone else do ye shift?"

"No…no I just thought if you really wanted to go then…."

"Cheryl's not here, ye can have the night off. Be ready by seven."

I don't know what was happening or if any of this was real, but I had somehow gone back in time, to where everything was right in my world again. I don't know why or even if I deserved this but I had been given another chance, another shot and im not gonna blow it.

I had the knowledge of everything, Sampson, Lynsey, Doug, the deli, Silas, the abuse I put Steven through and I had the power to change it all. I remember that tonight Steven will kiss me for the first time and this time I will kiss him back. I will be all the things that I should have been, I will love him openly and not be ashamed and I will never touch a hair on his head.

I can't wait to be with him.


End file.
